40andDating

Dec. 2010

So, the divorce is final. Time to see what this dating thing is all about. I need to know EVERYTHING! I’m in sales. I’m an analytical thinker, subscribe to Consumer Reports, and believe all answers can be found on the internet. So I needed answers. First stop- my single male friends. Out one night with a group of single guys I start to fire off questions.

• What are the rules?
• Who can initiate communication?
• What makes a good 1-night stand vs. a long-term girlfriend?
• What do guys like to see “down there”?
• Where do you meet the opposite sex?
• How many dates before sex?

The answers vary of man. Wait, I say. You’re making it more confusing. If everyone has a different set of criteria then how do I know what to do and how to act? “Just be you!”, they said. It sounded good in theory, but as my brother “affectionately” says, “You’re not for everyone”. It’s so true.

I did get some consensus on my questions:

• How many dates before sex? Survey says: Any more than 3 dates without sex and that may have been your last date. (Patty wouldn’t be happy!)
• What do men like to see “down there”- answers varied between nothing to some hair. My favorite answer came from King J. “We just want it clean!”
• How do you meet the opposite sex? Most of the guys said they met people “out”. It’s important to note that this group of guys are a few years younger than I am and still into the bar scene. If anyone was online dating they weren’t talking about it in front of their buddies.

Armed with SOME information, I was ready to do some market research of my own.

 

Nov. 2010

So here’s the back story….. I met my ex-husband when I was 19 and in college. He is 10 years older than I am. He was my first boyfriend and love. We dated for 8 years before we got married (I was 27). We were married for 13 years. So for those of you whom math is a challenge… we were together for 21 years. That’s a long time! Along the way we lived together, relocated, had a child, had great times and lots of fun and over time grew apart.

It’s a common story. One day you wake up 21 years later and your spouse has become a stranger. Your partner, lover, best friend and husband is gone and in his place is a really good roommate and father. It seems to happen overnight, but I know that’s not what happened. I wish I could put my finger on it. When did he stop coming to bed and start sleeping on the sofa in the basement? When did we stop having datenight? When did we start only talking about our child? When did I start hoping that he wouldn’t want to have sex? When did he stop telling me I was beautiful?

We did what we were suppose to. We went to counseling, but my heart really wasn’t in it at that point. I wanted to see what else was out there. I wanted to feel passion and new love again! I never went to prom in High School, spent my Spring Breaks with my boyfriend and never dated ANYONE else! What had I missed out on? I wanted to know. I wanted to find a man who made me feel alive again!

What I didn’t know was that the dating world had changed DRAMATICALLY in the last 21 years. The last time I “dated” the internet didn’t exist, no cell phones, next texting, no FB, no online dating sites (of course because there was NO INTERNET)! I was about to enter a world I wasn’t prepared for.

So this blog is a record of what a 40 year-old recently divorced, highly successful, athletic, attractive, mother of one has learned in the past few years of dating.